Jones & Compton: Conflict Resolution Education

Jones & Compton
Conflict Resolution Education


"Kids, now more than ever, need skills for living and working together in an increasingly interdependent world - skills in such areas as handling conflicts, managing intense emotions, and making wise choices for themselves and their community." - Randy Compton, from "Kids Working It Out: Stories and Strategies for Making Peace In Our Schools"

COMMENT:

As we shift from our recent spiritual perspective, Buddhism, and veer back into secular interests for awhile, we've decided to share some ideas found in Tricia S. Jones and Randy Compton's text "Kids Working It Out."

As proponents of Conflict Resolution Education (CRE), we heartily embrace the idea of spreading peacemaking and self/other-awareness instruction into our schools. It is clear in today's world that the traditional three "R's" - Reading, wRiting, and aRithmetic - while remaining valid and useful, are simply not enough when it comes to making sense of ourselves and our community. We are convinced that a fourth "R," Resolution, would be a step in the right direction.

Jones and Compton have edited a text that embraces and explores these ideas, and that gathers writers and researchers who are blazing paths toward revolutionizing both the nature of education and the nature of our schoolchildren. We hope you enjoy those excerpts from their book that we'll be sharing over the next few weeks.

FAN: Sports, anybody? Is that the Merriam-Webster's definition of athletic benefits?

INSTITUTE: Bryan Thornhill, good to hear from you!

We heartily embrace the value of sports programs in teaching ethics, as well as the aforementioned skills, in our schools. Too often, the American drive for "success" and "victory" (as the recent fascination with Charlie Sheen's "Winning" perspective reveals) overshadows those ideas such as community (read: teamwork), sacrifice, and self-improvement that should be at the heart of any truly successful athletic program.

As a high school coach and teacher, are there any other thoughts you'd like to share regarding the importance of sports programs (or anything else that comes to mind) for our youth?

FAN: I believe it is important to point out that the experience students get from athletics is mainly dependant on the coach. Some coaches use sports to teach cheating, and focus on winning; instead of focusing on improvement and self awareness, as well as developing leadership skills. Learning to be accountable to others and working at building a team environment that's operates with minimal friction and maximum support is invaluable for their college and professional careers.

INSTITUTE: Great point, Bryan, we couldn't agree more! Thanks for helping to bring more focus and clarity to our thoughts on the matter. It sounds as if you're advocating training and accountability at the teacher-training level then, in addition to bringing such training to students, yes?

FAN: Some form of training is always necessary to achieve desired results.

INSTITUTE: Indeed, Bryan, that's a perspective at the heart of our work! Many folks want more peaceful, productive, and fulfilling experiences with others, but have never been trained as to how to achieve these results. Thanks so kindly for your thoughts and perspective!


"As our society has changed, so have our schools. Early schools were institutions modeled after the designs and influences of the agricultural age. Short and disrupted school years were created to help socialize children and increase basic literacy. Families valued education, but they also had to balance the needs of the field and farm." - Jones & Compton, KWIO

"Later schools were modeled after the industrial age... factory-like replicas of educational efficiency... [desks] in rows, standard textbooks [and] norms... Discipline was often harsh and obedience swift... [to] establish social norms and control... However, much of the racial, ethnic, & religious diversity that existed in our country was molded into predominantly white, middle-class values." - Jones & Compton, KWIO

"The efficient, predictable, factory-lIke structure of life began to complexify, and many of our regular ways of doing things began to change. As we know now, our world and our schools have become 'cosmopolitan' in nature, and the computer and the evolving nature of families have forever changed our social and educational patterns of interaction." - Jones & Compton, KWIO

"Our simple nuclear families and 'nuclear' schools - where all children lived in a predictable family unit and all students learned in a predictable classroom experience - changed. Now we live in multiracial, single parent, and nontraditional families determined not only by blood but also by our interests, geography, and creativity." - Jones & Compton, KWIO

"There are many daily conflicts that exist in a school modeled after both factory-like education (desks always in rows, classes moving in a predictable and clockwork schedule, and standardized textbook learning) and computer- and cosmopolitan-like education (many ethnicities, busy, overlapping schedules, Internet-based learning)." - Jones & Compton, KWIO

"We have the highest rate of incarceration in the world... [with] approximately 1.8 million people behind bars, we imprison more people than any other country in the world... By the end of elementary school, the average child will have watched 100,000 acts of violence, despite media researchers [having] repeatedly shown evidence linking media portrayals of violence to aggressive behavior." - Jones & Compton, KWIO

"The core elements that we used to depend on for social stability and civility - such as the extended family structure, respect for elders, and sharing of communal wisdom - have been significantly altered, causing many families and social institutions to lose the basic keys to social survival." - Jones & Compton, KWIO

COMMENT: As we return our focus to Conflict Resolution Education and public schools, we return to our eager explorations of the manner in which to re-envision and revitalize one of our most important social structures.

We are convinced that teaching our children basic values, the building of character, critical thinking about ethical issues, and the most productive manner in which to interact and engage with Others - especially in times of conflict and struggle - is a task that cannot and should not be ignored or marginalized at the public school level.

To be sure, a focus on traditional modalities of learning, on "the basics", is of utmost importance. However, we advocate (along with Jones & Compton) that the demands of the 21st Century require an embrace of postmodern sensibilities which incorporate the new visions of consciousness and intersubjectivity that have been discovered since the beginning of the 20th Century (and so since the beginning, in most ways, of public education in this country).

Currently, test scores and academic achievement occur in *spite* of these considerations, but increasingly, we are certain, they will have to occur *because* of them. We invite you along on our exciting journey to uncover these new pathways.

"As competition drives down the cost of labor & the dream of a materially rich life becomes the norm, economic forces press on family members & cause them to spend more time working & less time with each other, their community, their schools, & fulfilling their responsibilities for civic engagements [or the real needs of their kids] for safety, belonging, love, and supervision, among others." - Jones & Compton, KWIO

"As the communal fabric of society unravels... we find ourselves faced with increasing pressure to be selfish, violent, and neglectful, if not mean. All of this desperately calls out for us to counter the trend... by exposing our children to more altruism, self-restraint, and compassion." - Jones & Compton, KWIO

"What we are discovering is that some biological parents are unreliable, immature, or too irresponsible... and that - more than the family - the extended, meaningful community, or 'tribe,' is the key to preserving civilization." - Jones & Compton, KWIO

"There are 3 major purposes that human history has assigned to schooling, in every part of the world. One is to make good people. Another... to make good citizens. The 3rd is to makepeople their personal best... a 4th purpose, which comes in around the turn of the century: to turn people into resources for the disposition of government and the corporations." -Jones & Compton, KWIO

COMMENT: The above is a quote in Kids Working It Out from New York State and New York City Teacher of the Year John Gatto, in his book "The Underground History of American Education: A Schoolteacher's Intimate Investigation into the Problem of Modern Schooling."


"Children who have been identified as bullies by age 8 are 6 times more likely to be convicted of a crime by age twenty-four and 5 times more likely than non-bullies to end up with serious criminal records by age 30." - Jones & Compton, KWIO

"Parents, policymakers, and educators today often fall into the trap of emphasizing obedience over respect. The guilt that can be born when we avoid strict obedience often allows permissiveness and overindulgence. However, neither of these are part of the balanced approach necessary for learning and growing - especially in a democracy founded on participation and empowerment." Jones & Compton, KWIO

"Although it is essential to have influence over children as they grow and learn, influence need not be in the form of giving orders. Instead, it can be achieved through developing mutual respect" - Jones & Compton, KWIO

"While it is important to identify the causes of conflict in our society, regardless of cause, we must find ways to mend the tears in the social fabric arising from these disputes... It seems only appropriate that the most innovative forms of nonviolent conflict resolution are found in schools." - SC Justice Sandra Day O'Connor, as quoted in Jones & Compton, KWIO

COMMENT: Justice O'Connor goes on to say, "After children learn to defuse the conflicts between each other through non-violent means, they can utilize these skills to defuse conflicts between themselves and their teachers, parents and siblings, and throughout their adult lives."

This perspective is one shared by Institute Founder Michael Bush, who designs and teaches courses in Conflict Resolution to high schoolers in South Los Angeles. Invariably, after the first day of instruction - which centers on a lesson in Reflective Responding - at least one (usually more) astounded student will return the next class period only to instantly proclaim their love of their newfound skills.

Being able to quickly and easily defuse the often chronic conflicts that tend to define many parent/teen relationships is something that most young adults (and their guardians) never think possible, and they have usually resigned themselves to ongoing conflict spirals as a matter of course.

We at the Institute heartily endorse and embrace any and every opportunity to teach all parties to a conflict - especially within families - the often basic (so easily taught and learned) skills needed to interact with harmony and grace. We also whole-heartedly agree with Justice O'Connor about the encouraging possibilities that present themselves for our society when we consider a future in which *every student* is taught to communicate peacefully and effectively.

"CRE Program outcomes [include] a decrease in incidents of violence; in conflicts between groups of students, and; in suspensions, absenteeism, & dropout rates related to unsafe learning environments... improved school climate; improved classroom climate; a respectful, caring environment; improved classroom Mgmt; reduced time on discipline; & increased use of student-centered discipline." = Jones & Compton, KWIO

"Our schools are becoming more integrated into our communities. Thus, what happens in our schools refelcts the community and affects the community. The converse is also true... Creating a constructive conflict community... means developing a sense of social justice (SJ) and advocating for SJ as a cornerstone of a healthy and enriched society." - Jones & Compton, KWIO

"Conflict is conventionally thought of as 2-sided: husband vs. wife, union vs. employer, Arabs vs. Israelis... We forget what the simplest societies on earth have long known: that every conflict is actually 3-sided. No dispute takes place in a vacuum... relatives, neighbors, allies, friends... every conflict occurs within a community that constitutes the '3rd Side' of any dispute." - Jones & Compton, KWIO


Emotional Literacy

"Emotional literacy includes being aware of emotions, managing emotions, begin motivated to overcome setbacks, being empathetic, and developing social skills (including communication and conflict resolution)." - Jones & Compton, KWIO (64)

COMMENT: Today, we turn briefly with Jones & Compton to an exploration of emotional literacy, particularly as it relates to Conflict Resolution Education in schools. Developing one's capacity to deal properly and functionally with emotions as they arise is a crucial component of not only CRE but of any healthy lifestyle, and so is a topic to which we will return in greater detail in the future.

"Self-Awareness is the foundation without which the other capacities cannot develop. 1st, we must help our students know themselves... what they feel, need, believe. Only when they know what they are feeling can they begin to *manage* those feelings... to express or contain or transform them in constructive ways." - Jones & Compton, KIWO

"Motivation as an emotional intelligence is... the capacity to keep going despite setbacks. When the going gets tough, what sustains us, allows us to persist despite frustration, fear, or even failure? This kind of motivation bears a strong resemblance to what others have called resilience." - Jones & Compton, KWIO

"Empathy is the bridge from the emotional to the social capacities. When we are self-aware - knowing what something feels like inside ourselves - we can begin to recognize and know what it feels like in another." - Jones & Compton, KWIO

"In many instances, empathy requires not only self-awareness but also the second emotional intelligence we need to *manage* our own feelings and beliefs well enough to turn the volume down so that we can see and hear the feelings and beliefs of others." - Jones & Compton, KWIO [64]

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Emotional Intelligence & Conflict Resolution Step 1: Calm Down; Agree to Solve the
Problem

COMMENT: "Telling someone to calm down is rarely effective. Even telling ourselves to calm down may not be enough. How do we... 'self-soothe'? We have to know that we're getting angry or afraid before we can calm that anger or soothe that fear?

This may sound simple, but recall how easy it is to find yourself escalating an argument that can become quite destructive before you even realize that you are angry. Once our anger or fear is triggered, we have only a momentary opportunity to soothe ourselves before the 'old brain', the reptilian brain, takes over and we are in fight-or-flight mode...

Once we are 'emotionally hijacked' we are no longer on the pathway of constructive problem solving. Creativity and critical thinking - the higher-order thinking skills needed to propose and evaluate new solutions - [become] frozen...

So learning how to recognize what we feel (self-awareness) and then quickly to identify a strategy for self-soothing (handling emotions) is essential to keeping our minds and hearts open to resolving the conflict that triggered our emotions." - Jones & Compton, KWIO

Emotional Intelligence & Conflict Resolution Step 2: No Name-Calling or Put-Downs

COMMENT: ‎"If a child has succeeded in calming down, he may indeed be able to resist calling names... part of *managing emotions*, the ability to delay and control impulses... Authentic rspect arises from meaningful connection. When students feel connected to themselves, they can respect themselves - a precondition for respecting others. When students experience a genuine connection to others, they begin to feel empathy, respect, and sometimes even compassion." - Jones & Compton, KWIO

Emotional Intelligence & Conflict Resolution Step 3: Use "I" Messages to Express Your Feelings and Needs

COMMENT: ‎"This step focuses on the skill set of effective communication: speaking authentically and with acknowledgment of personal responsibility...

When it comes to resolving a real conflict in the classroom, students cannot use I messages unless they can identify what they are feeling, have the vocabulary to express what they are feeling, and feel safe enough in the classroom to express a genuine feeling.

Classroom safety is critical to the student's ability not only to say the I message out loud but also to identify his feelings... In an atmosphere of disrespect or threat, a student may not even be able to know what he is feeling." - Jones & Compton, KWIO

Emotional Intelligence & Conflict Resolution Step 4: Listen To The Other Person Carefully

COMMENT: "There are many forms of listening.

There is *not listening*, when a conflict has so aroused the fight-or-flight chemistry that the brain keeps running an angry and defensive patter in the ind while the other person speaks.

There is *listening to find fault* in the other person's statement so we can pounce on her argument when we next get the floor.

Then there is *listening carefully* - with a care that begins with genuine attention, moves into the respectfulness of an open mind and heart, and culminates in understanding and empathy. Our students can engage in *empathic listening* when they have developed the ability to take the perspective of others." - Jones & Compton, KWIO

Emotional Intelligence & Conflict Resolution Step 5: Look for Solutions That Are Best for Both, and Choose the Best Solution

COMMENT: "Negotiators have taught us that a creative solution often arises when we attend to the genuine needs of the two people and not to the positions that appear to provoke intractable conflict.

Empathy is crucial to listening to and respecting the needs of the Other. Safety... is important here because inquiring into our needs and expressing our needs can cause us to feel vulnerable.

Finding a solution that works for two people in conflict also requires the participants to manage their feelings of frustration, impatience, disappointment, and fear that may come up along the way. The motivation that makes it possible to find a solution involves the ability to maintain hope and optimism despite setbacks. The social skills of effective communication, problem-solving, and sensitivity to others also contribute to the discovery of a fair and enduring solution." - Jones & Compton, KWIO



School Discipline

"Because 'we teach who we are,' teachers who invite personal sharing into their classroom also find it essential to nurture their own capacities to safely and appropriately give and receive vulnerable testimony about feelings, needs, and challenging issues." - Jones & Compton, KWIO [74]

"The capacity of the teacher to care deeply for students is the foundation of 'the teaching presence' and fosters the capacity of students to care deeply for one another. When students don't trust adults - a common phenomenon in today's society - they are not motivated to learn from us." - Jones & Compton, KWIO

"Students need to know their teachers care. If a CRE curriculum is implemented in a mechanical or halfhearted way - if teachers are not... modeling the principles and practices in the relationships their students witness - young people become cynical about conflict resolution and shut down their interest in learning about it." - Jones & Compton, KWIO [74]

"'I think that chemistry in a class is really important. If you don't like the people you are in a class with, then normally you are not going to like the subject at all until you get a better class. I consider everybody in the [CRE] class my friend, and so I feel honest and open when I talk to them in discussions... [which] bring us together.'" - Jones & Compton, KWIO [76]

"'[As a teacher] I decided to quit worrying [so much] about the tests because when I started looking at the kids, what I saw missing was their ability to function like human beings - not so much their academic ability, for they could learn rote facts... there was something missing, and that piece was building a community." - Jones & Compton [81]

"Although new teachers frequently voice a need for training in classroom management, very little time is spent in helping educators learn how t handle the behavior problems. Most educators are left to develop a crude system of rewards and punishment that varies widely from class to class." - Jones & Compton, KWIO [202]



School Discipline & Restorative Justice

"The central approach to school discipline in our society might be described as punitive discipline. Despite its widespread use, this approach is largely ineffective at addressing the concerns of students who have been harmed and developing empathy in those who havecaused harm." - Jones & Compton [199]

COMMENT: Today, we turn our attention to the impact of ideas of Restorative Justice on Conflict Resolution Education. It is an approach to justice that focuses on the needs of victims, offenders, and involved third parties as well as the larger community, rather than satisfying abstract legal principles or emphasizing the doling out of punishment to offenders.

In this manner, all who are affected by a crime have an opportunity to get their needs met, both victims and perpetrators, which to our mind is an approach to re-Balancing that can be understood as a crucial turning point in the way humans perceive no only of crime but of "rights" and law in general.

It is crucial, once we have been victimized, that we are given the opportunity to re-calibrate our emotional landscape, especially our notions of safety and security. This is something that is often overlooked in a system that often seems to regard public safety as beginning and ending with separation of offenders from the general populace.

Further, this traditional way of looking at crime can tend to disregard the very real needs of the victim, and ignore the fact that crime never happens in a vacuum but is a result of very real psychological and sociological influences. Helping offenders make sense of their crime *as a victimization* rather than as a "broken rule" often humanizes all concerned, and goes a long way toward bringing the perpetrator to authentic and lasting rehabilitation.

As with the greater society, so with our schools. There is a lot of talk in the media of late about bullying, a very real issue in our schools. Without contextualizing bullying incidents within the type of framework offered by an emphasis on Restorative Justice, we risk missing an important opportunity to not only restore balance to our school communities but to truly humanize our young adults.

"Punitive discipline measures are those that use the strategies of *external controls* and *taking away* from the wrongdoer (for example, the right to attend school or participate in community life). Although these strategies may address the pressures of time, due process, and temporary safety concerns, they may inadvertently legitimize authoritarian behaviors and attitudes." - Jones & Compton, KWIO [200]

"Educators are implementing a variety of restorative discipline alternatives to traditional measures such as detention, suspension, expulsion, and police charges. Many school districts have found restorative justice to be a more effective means of addressing school and victim safety and transforming discipline into a learning opportunity." - Jones & Compton, KWIO [200]

"In schools using Restorative Justice, an offending student is given the opportunity to participate in a restorative discipline process as a means of repairing the harm done to those affected. These are voluntary for the parties & may be offered in lieu of punitive discipline measures, as a reentry process following traditional discipline, or in combination with reduced sanctions." - Jones & Compton, KWIO [200]

Restorative Justice: What harm was done, how can it be repaired, and who is responsible for this repair? Retributive Justice: What law was broken, who broke it, and how should they be punished?

Restorative Justice Tenet 1: Crime is defined not simply as a violation of law but, more important, as a violation of people

Restorative Justice Tenet 2: Offenders are to be held accountable not only to authorities but also directly to those they have harmed.

Restorative Justice Tenet 3: Victims and Communities are to be given a direct role in the process of seeking justice.

Restorative Justice Tenet 4: Justice should balance the needs of victims, offenders, Communities, and authorities where no single set of needs dominates the others.

Restorative Justice Tenet 5: Partnerships and common objectives among all stakeholders in a crime (justice agencies, Communities, and so on) are essential for optimal effectiveness.

"Some schools have elected to practice a form of victim-offender mediation - one of the early models of restorative justice. The entire staff is trained to facilitate these brief meetings between offending students and those affected. Rather than focusing on the rules violated... students are taught to focus on the harm done, repair that harm, and determine who should take responsibility." - Jones & Compton, KWIO [202]

"School communities that persist in being restorative will find that students' willingness to be held accountable increases over time, as the need to defend against blame and recrimination diminishes." - Jones & Compton, KWIO [205]

"The term 'reintegrative shaming' describes the key emotional dynamic at work in Restorative Justice. This is not the exclusionary form of shaming that says, 'You are a bad person,' but rather a collective condemnation of those behaviors that violate social mores, combined with a clear message of support and opportunity for reintegration of the wrongdoer back into the Community." - Jones & Compton, KIWO [206]

"When young children don't have to think they are in trouble and will be punished, but instead are asked to attend to harm they have caused, their defensiveness tends to fall away." - Jones & Compton, KWIO [207]


"At the high school level... it makes sense to partner with students wherever possible in building a restorative capacity within a school. In a community group conference, students can serve as members of the affected community, act as cofacilitators, and even be lead facilitators in mediations and community group conferences." - Jones & Compton, KWIO (207]



Bullying

Misconception About Bullying 1: Children Need To Solve Their Own Problems

COMMENT: ‎"Students don't believe that reporting bullying to adults at school will make a difference; in fact, they believe that telling an adult will make matters worse... [However] solving the problem is often not possible in a bully conflict due to the significant power imbalance. For the same reason, it is usually not appropriate to refer bully conflicts to peer mediation. Bullies don't believe that they have to play by the rules... Even when adults intervene, they need to expect that bullies will try to use manipulation techniques on them as well." - Jones & Compton, KWIO [223]

Misconception About Bullying 2: Victims Should Stand Up To Bullies

"Although it is true that bullying can be stopped by standing up to the bully, this strategy is successful only if the victim can match the bully's power. In truth, most people who are victimized have been specifically targeted because of their inability to fight back successfully. Bullies are excited when their victims try to fight back. Telling a victim to stand up to a bully is likely to lead to another victory for the bully." - Jones & Compton, KWIO [223]

Misconception About Bullying 3: Girls Aren't Bullies

"People tend to think that only boys are bullies and that bullying involves only physical abuse. In fact, bullying is done by both boys and girls... Depriving students of positive social attachments is one of the cruelest things that can happen to a young person, especially if she is of middle school age... Adults must set the standard that it is appropriate to choose your own friends but that it is Not appropriate to embarrass or humiliate or to undermine others' ability to have friends and belong to peer groups." - Jones & Compton, KWIO [223]

Misconception About Bullying 4: Bullies Have Low Self-Esteem

"Bullies [tend to] have unusually little anxiety and insecurity... [while it is] the victims of bullies... [that tend to] suffer from low self-esteem. Bullies' self-esteem is overinflated. They are much more likely to suffer from narcissism. They see themselves as superior to others and place the highest value on emotional control. If adults lose control of their emotions when intervening with a bully, that is seen by the bully as a victory. The bully, in contrast, will maintain emotional control to the point of displaying an icy emotional flatness." - Jones & Compton, KWIO [224]

FAN: i find myself agreeing with all the previous 3 misconceptions, but i do not fully agree with this one. i am not saying that ALL bullies have low self esteem, but i find it impossible to believe that a lot don't.

INSTITUTE: We struggled with this one, too, Dustin! In our reading of the text (not entirely excerpted above) it seems as if Jones and Compton are concerned with the likelihood that many people *reduce* bullying behaviors to an inaccurate focus on only one element of the phenomenon rather than on its totality.

The quote also seems to read as an assessment of *presenting behaviors*, which may be the result of what is a bit of an occupational hazard for Conflict Resolution practitioners.

As an ethical and professional rule, we avoid examining underlying causes with our clients because we feel that such work is better suited to psychologists, psychiatrists, and counseling professionals. If in the course of a mediation, such issues do indeed present, we tend to break the mediation in order to examine therapeutic options, and only proceed with our side of things if both the client and the contracted therapist feel comfortable doing so.

In fact, focusing only on presenting behaviors is *exactly* all we should be doing, given that our work seeks primarily to facilitate harmonious interactions. We help others (who are intent upon doing so) learn to manage their listening and speaking in a manner that brings peace to all concerned. Understanding the "self" that a bully presents to the world (which, agreed, seems often to be a mask hiding serious emotional trauma) is crucial to understanding the nature in which to help parties reorganize their interactions in a way that is acceptable to all concerned.

Does this feel reasonable to you? Are there continued misgivings on your end or does this help synthesize our initially disparate perspectives?

Thanks so kindly for your comment. Trying to make better sense of it for you was invaluable to making better sense of it for ourselves!

Misconception About Bullying 5: Bullying Is A Character Trait

"Research shows that bullying is a learned pattern of behavior and can be unlearned. He demonstrated that bullying behavior can be interrupted and that students who bully can learn healthier ways of interacting with others." - Jones & Compton, KWIO [224]